Scattered Thoughts

World Mental Health Day 2017

 

No we are not looking for attention. No we cannot just “get over it”. No we cannot just be more positive. Mental illness – an invisible disease – is so often just swept under the rug. We are too often told that it’s all just in our heads and that is exactly it! Anxiety disorders, personality disorders, psychotic disorders and much more are all chemical imbalances in our brains. I cannot fathom what it is like to live with these various disorders, even as a person with three. Yet there are people all over the world who will not even try to understand what the least us go through. And for that I am here to explain what I and many others feel and experience as we live our everyday lives.

There are many things I despise people saying, along with my first words of this blog and this; why are you always so sad look how great your life is? To us this is like saying why on earth do you have asthma, look at all this air? Why attack when you can be educated? I mean should we not always walk a mile in ones shoes before we judge? Let me shed a bit of light on the few mental illnesses that I suffer from.

Anxiety. Imagine being nervous about everything and nothing at the same time. Your mind is never at rest, you overthink every possible detail. If theres laughter you think they’re laughing about you. You always think you’re annoying or a burden. You can’t go to certain places because something once happened there and just the thought alone causes an anxiety attack. People try force us into environments that makes us anxious but that’s just as good as forcing an injured runner to do a 100m sprint. The attacks alone can come out of nowhere and for no reason. You can be completely enjoying yourself when all of a sudden you can’t breathe. All you want to do is be able to go out and live but anxiety eats at you. It’s like a huge creature holding onto you, telling you everything you do is wrong.

Bipolar. Bipolar II in particular. Its the ups and downs. Mostly downs. It’s like a gamble, you never know what you’re going to get. Theres no middle ground though, it’s only those extremes and it’s exhausting. The ups to me are this blast of hyperactivity where I’m just ready to take on the world but as quickly as it comes, it leaves and I’m left with my depressive episodes. It’s so frustrating not feeling level and even more frustrating that I may never feel level again.

Depression. Constant sadness, regret, exhaustion, worry. Even on medication I still have terrible days. So often people call us lazy but this depression literally cripples us to a place where sleep is the only escape. Waking up and partaking in our day to day lives is not only mentally but physically exhausting. We can have good lives but we can still be depressed. Depression can make us feel numb to the world and we push people away because in that way we no longer have anyone to disappoint or let down. We don’t control our thoughts, our thoughts control us. Those thoughts slowly kill us. Depression is like drowning except everyone around you is breathing

If someone dies from cancer, they blame cancer. Don’t blame the victim for losing their battle.

Self harm and suicide are no joke. Some people cope by using self harm and we shouldn’t be so forceful when it comes to trying to stop the person. It scares them, they already feel so horrible about themselves. That’s why we should always offer our support rather than try control them. Something I feel so strongly about is that we should not only feel sympathy when celebrities commit suicide. We are all in this battle and sometimes people lose. It is not their fault. They are NOT selfish.

I can tell you that I am proud of my scars, they are my battle scars. And I want all of you who suffer with mental illnesses to be proud of yourselves for getting this far. Lets end this stigma. Here is my awareness. Happy World Mental Health day.